The Best Friends (to Lovers) Bargain (V-Card Diaries) by Lili Valente

Author:Lili Valente [Valente, Lili]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 1230005679638
Publisher: Self Taught Ninja Inc.
Published: 2022-07-20T23:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER SIX

Jess

Yep, this is lust, all right.

And considering I’m not the type who gets horny for trees or chipmunks and Sam’s the only other human around, that can only mean one thing—I’m lusting after my best friend.

I’m lusting after Sam, the boy I’ve seen snort orange soda out of his nose at least twice and who went through a “not super serious about showering” phase when we were twelve. (Though, to be fair, I was also going through the same phase and once went three weeks without soap before I finally remembered to ask my mom to buy more for my bathroom.)

But still!

I have seen this boy at his grossest and silliest.

But you’ve also seen him at his sweetest and his best and you know you love him. You’ve loved him forever. Would it be so crazy if that love got a little more…tingly now that you’re all grown up?

“Gotta go,” I say, bolting to my feet and stepping back into my slide-on sneakers. “Bathroom emergency. It’s coming on fast.”

“Oh shit,” Sam says, popping up beside me and gathering the unopened POG and marshmallows into a makeshift sack made of the balled-up quilt.

“Literally,” I say, his snort as we hurry back toward camp easing the clenched feeling in my chest.

Yes, poop jokes. That’s who Sam and I are together.

We’re playful and a little gross and most importantly, just friends.

Anything else would be…horrible.

It would be hella weird and very bad.

The inner voice is on crack with that “all grown-up” stuff. I’m not grown up! I’m only seventeen and still look like a twelve-year-old if I forget to put on my push-up bra. I’m not ready to tingle with anyone except myself, in the privacy of my own home, when my parents are both at work, with my bedroom door locked and the fan on high to cover the sound just in case the neighbors are eavesdropping from their backyard and have really good hearing.

The thought of sharing that side of myself with anyone else makes me feel like I swallowed an ice-cold bowling ball.

And my gut assures me it would be even worse with Sam than with a stranger. A stranger, I could hold at an emotional distance. A stranger wouldn’t know me, inside and out, and be able to read every thought zipping through my head. With someone I’ve only known a little while, I’m pretty sure I could have sex, see what all the physical hype is about, and move on without freaking out about it too much.

But with Sam…

It wouldn’t be casual or chill or “just physical.” It would be intense and honest and…scary. He would see even more of me than he has already, so much that there would be nowhere to hide if things went wrong. I would be laid bare, more vulnerable than I’ve ever been in my life.

“Too bad you didn’t figure that out before you made a stupid sex deal,” I mutter to my reflection as I’m washing my hands in the bathroom, shaking my head at my Dora the Explorer self.

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